While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
