woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
