who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My liver just broke up with me...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
