sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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