Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
