me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
