im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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