It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
