If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
