so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
