If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
