we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
