i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
