i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
