im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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