what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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