The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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