You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
