if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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