Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
