im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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