I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
