please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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