I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
