Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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