I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am available for nakedness
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
