I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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