Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
