I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
