i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
