i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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