Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
