On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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