so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
