i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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