Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
