honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
