hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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