just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
