I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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