I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
