worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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