I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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