If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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