she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
