yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
