someone get that fucking seahorse.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
