Don't you send me to vm
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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