this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
