The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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