somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
