my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
