Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
