I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
