I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
