bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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