I am spending my child support on dildos
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
