We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
